What's Your Religion and/or Beliefs

[beasley23803]

^Dont worry I am going to pm Dot right now and ask him to close this topic since the atheist are worried about imaginary beings being discussed. Oh Hallelujah! The holy spirit is all up in my spaghetti.

[News Bot]

Because I have to...

"When it comes to bullshit, big-time, major league bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims, religion. No contest. No contest. Religion. Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that there’s an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever ’til the end of time!

But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He’s all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can’t handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more. Now, you talk about a good bullshit story. Holy Shit!

But I want you to know something, this is sincere, I want you to know, when it comes to believing in God, I really tried. I really, really tried. I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up.

Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong on the résumé of a Supreme Being. This is the kind of shit you’d expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. And just between you and me, in any decently-run universe, this guy would’ve been out on his all-powerful ass a long time ago. And by the way, I say “this guy”, because I firmly believe, looking at these results, that if there is a God, it has to be a man.

No woman could or would ever fuck things up like this. So, if there is a God, I think most reasonable people might agree that he’s at least incompetent, and maybe, just maybe, doesn’t give a shit. Doesn’t give a shit, which I admire in a person, and which would explain a lot of these bad results.

So rather than be just another mindless religious robot, mindlessly and aimlessly and blindly believing that all of this is in the hands of some spooky incompetent father figure who doesn’t give a shit, I decided to look around for something else to worship. Something I could really count on.

And immediately, I thought of the sun. Happened like that. Overnight I became a sun-worshipper. Well, not overnight, you can’t see the sun at night. But first thing the next morning, I became a sun-worshipper. Several reasons. First of all, I can see the sun, okay? Unlike some other gods I could mention, I can actually see the sun. I’m big on that. If I can see something, I don’t know, it kind of helps the credibility along, you know? So everyday I can see the sun, as it gives me everything I need; heat, light, food, flowers in the park, reflections on the lake, an occasional skin cancer, but hey. At least there are no crucifixions, and we’re not setting people on fire simply because they don’t agree with us.

Sun worship is fairly simple. There’s no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don’t have a special building where we all gather once a week to compare clothing. And the best thing about the sun, it never tells me I’m unworthy. Doesn’t tell me I’m a bad person who needs to be saved. Hasn’t said an unkind word. Treats me fine. So, I worship the sun. But, I don’t pray to the sun. Know why? I wouldn’t presume on our friendship. It’s not polite.

I’ve often thought people treat God rather rudely, don’t you? Asking trillions and trillions of prayers every day. Asking and pleading and begging for favors. Do this, gimme that, I need a new car, I want a better job. And most of this praying takes place on Sunday His day off. It’s not nice. And it’s no way to treat a friend.

But people do pray, and they pray for a lot of different things, you know, your sister needs an operation on her crotch, your brother was arrested for defecating in a mall. But most of all, you’d really like to fuck that hot little redhead down at the convenience store. You know, the one with the eyepatch and the clubfoot? Can you pray for that? I think you’d have to. And I say, fine. Pray for anything you want. Pray for anything, but what about the Divine Plan?

Remember that? The Divine Plan. Long time ago, God made a Divine Plan. Gave it a lot of thought, decided it was a good plan, put it into practice. And for billions and billions of years, the Divine Plan has been doing just fine. Now, you come along, and pray for something. Well suppose the thing you want isn’t in God’s Divine Plan? What do you want Him to do? Change His plan? Just for you? Doesn’t it seem a little arrogant? It’s a Divine Plan. What’s the use of being God if every run-down shmuck with a two-dollar prayerbook can come along and fuck up Your Plan?

And here’s something else, another problem you might have: Suppose your prayers aren’t answered. What do you say? “Well, it’s God’s will.” “Thy Will Be Done.” Fine, but if it’s God’s will, and He’s going to do what He wants to anyway, why the fuck bother praying in the first place? Seems like a big waste of time to me! Couldn’t you just skip the praying part and go right to His Will? It’s all very confusing.

So to get around a lot of this, I decided to worship the sun. But, as I said, I don’t pray to the sun. You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Two reasons: First of all, I think he’s a good actor, okay? To me, that counts. Second, he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn’t fuck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that God was having trouble with.

For years I asked God to do something about my noisy neighbor with the barking dog, Joe Pesci straightened that cocksucker out with one visit. It’s amazing what you can accomplish with a simple baseball bat.

So I’ve been praying to Joe for about a year now. And I noticed something. I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same 50% rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the time I don’t. Same as God, 50-50. Same as the four-leaf clover and the horseshoe, the wishing well and the rabbit’s foot, same as the Mojo Man, same as the Voodoo Lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing the goat’s testicles, it’s all the same: 50-50. So just pick your superstition, sit back, make a wish, and enjoy yourself.

And for those of you who look to The Bible for moral lessons and literary qualities, I might suggest a couple of other stories for you. You might want to look at the Three Little Pigs, that’s a good one. Has a nice happy ending, I’m sure you’ll like that. Then there’s Little Red Riding Hood, although it does have that X-rated part where the Big Bad Wolf actually eats the grandmother. Which I didn’t care for, by the way. And finally, I’ve always drawn a great deal of moral comfort from Humpty Dumpty. The part I like the best? “All the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty back together again.” That’s because there is no Humpty Dumpty, and there is no God. None, not one, no God, never was.

In fact, I’m gonna put it this way. If there is a God, may he strike this audience dead! See? Nothing happened. Nothing happened? Everybody’s okay? All right, tell you what, I’ll raise the stakes a little bit. If there is a God, may he strike me dead. See? Nothing happened, oh, wait, I’ve got a little cramp in my leg. And my balls hurt. Plus, I’m blind. I’m blind, oh, now I’m okay again, must have been Joe Pesci, huh? God Bless Joe Pesci. Thank you all very much. Joe Bless You!"

RIP, George Carlin.

George Carlin is my God.

I'm an atheist.

[mamock116]

im a devout christian and go to a non denominational christian church

[biohazard_star]

I'm a Christian, but I don't go to Church. If I'm going to pray to God, then I do it by myself at home. If I donate money, I give it directly to the poor people. I'm not going to give it to the Church and let them be a proxy for my money, since truth be told, the Church over here is really corrupt.

[Dot50Cal]

My basic thoughts on this subject are that I don't believe in a specific god, or any god really. I think that to presume something exists, solely because some guys who lived several hundred years ago did, is a bit presumptuous. I'm not adverse to the idea of their being a creator, but I wouldn't have the audacity to proclaim that religion x y or z has it right, because theres no way to prove it.

So basically, I guess thats Agnostic?

The topic can continue, as long as you guys stop saying it will devolve into an argument. It hasn't yet, so why can't it continue?

[Vector]

I had my Communion in the Catholic church, but never my Confirmation.

I'm not very religious but I do pray from time to time...it helps to keep me sane. Helps to think someone's watching.

[JcFFx]

Wow, TC remembered to include Agnosticism... >_>

I went to a Catholic high school, but I'm more or less an Agnostic.

That said, I tend to put down Catholicism (probably because I've been exposed to it the most) a lot. But I have friends that are religious, so I try not making any comments about it in front of them.
I don't like it when people try to force their religion onto you though. Thankfully it wasn't that bad even in my high school and it's much better now that I'm in University.

[Darkmoon]

I'm Noachide. Essentially a very early form of Judaism.

Why do I believe? Well, part of it is hope. It allows me a more peaceful life, and hope that when I die I'm reunited with my loved ones. I figure if I'm right I at least get to point and laugh at the Atheist folk. And if I'm wrong it's oblivion so you guys can't do nothing.

As a scientist, and an archaeologist, I find there is some evidence for God and the Torah, but then again there is for evoloution too. For example...the various dating methods we have to prove the Earth is several billion years old are falwed because, in essence, for much of the several billion years we have no idea as to the exact conditions on the planet. There may have been higher or lower background radiation and the like.

But when some folk says the world is, I think, 6000 or so years old and you look at how they came to the date they're so sure of...it's essentially guess work by scholars based on events that can be matched from the texts to history.

Both of them are, in fact, far from deffinitive.

Fun huh?

[SlurmsMackenzie]

I'm confused, aren't the last 2 options the same?

[Project Omega]

From a philoshopical point of view; Agnostics DO NOT believe there is a god, Theists believe that there is a god, and Atheists believe that there is no god.

That's how you distinguish them; both atheists and theists believe in something where as agnostics don't belive. Or atleast that's how I was taught in my philosophy course...

[RE-Hiro]

Fist of all, i think that catholic and christianic chuch are so hypocritical. why you ask??? because i'm gay, and they, above all things hate that... but correct me if i'm worng but there are a lot of padres that rape childrens... but we, gays and lesbians do not deserve forgiveness.... and they claim that god loves everyone, but no gays, or murders, or.. etc, so in fact, god does not love everyone, but instead, his love is selective... mmmm that's so cinycal.

Also, they think homosexuality is an abbomination of nature... but if you look closely to nature, you'll find there are some species that is normal to have couples of the same sex
(namely penguins, buffalos, etc.)

And i agree with some of you... i didn't belive in religions or church, but i tried anyway to find one that i'm confortable with.

Now i'm a budhist... and i'm happy with it!!!

By the way... am i the only one who voted budhism????

[rewak]

Being gay myself, i can appreciate where you're coming from, but it's a harsh angle to take. Think about it, you're grouping them all together in one pile and hating them. Ironic, no? You should appreciate that not all religious people think that way about homosexuality, there are open minded people out there. Just some are small minded, and honestly to them i believe they hide behind religion as an excuse for their own homophobia.

[RE-Hiro]

i agree abot homophobiam but i'm not generilizing, but i really think they shouldn't talk about us if they don't look themselves first. sure there are a lot of bad christianic, catholic bad people as there are horrible gay and lesbian person, but they even have a (The) Book where it says being gay is an abbomination...

[rewak]

The book says a lot of things, a lot of which aren't upheld, so it's not a reason, hence why i said i see it more as a scapegoat for peoples own homophobia. You have to remember though, freedom of speech is a two way street.

[TheSelfishGene]

From a philoshopical point of view; Agnostics DO NOT believe there is a god, Theists believe that there is a god, and Atheists believe that there is no god.

I'm an atheist. It's not that I believe there is no god. I don't believe that there is a god. There is a very important difference between the two.

Atheism is the opposite of theism (belief in god/s). It's an absense of belief.
It's NOT a belief that there is no god.

Agnosticism takes on many definitions, but alot of them don't rule out the possibility of super-natural phenomena. Personally, I don't think that there is anything super-natural operating in the universe. But you will meet some people who identify themselves as athiests who do believe in certain supernatural phenomena (so I guess they'd best be called agnostics), because atheism isn't an organized religious structure. There is no central head, or core beliefs or anything like that. It's simply a lack of belief in what people would recognize as god.