I'm Angry

[Jill4EverSTARS]

Yes! I almost feel like I'm going blind

OMG yesterday was terrible lol my allergies hit me like a truck! Lol took some allergy meds and was pretty much KO'd the whole day

[Mr. Spencer]

More Robocop nonsense, please!

You just fucked with the wrong guy!

[Agent_Wong]

Robocop nonsense part deux....

[Smiley]

Not so much angry, but more like sad. My dog passed away three hours ago. I buried her two hours ago.

Had her since I was a child. Grew up with her so she was like my sister. My partner had the wonderful chance to meet her before things got worse. She's had this tumor for some time now. Doctors couldn't remove it or else it would kill her. So for years its grown in size to the point where my dog lost the strength she once had and carried it around as she walked.

Recently she was licking at it. We tried to stop her but it was no use. My partner suggested we wrap cloth around her to prevent her from messing around with it as the tumor area was showing portions of pink from where she was licking. We did so, but it was no use. The tumor was obviously causing her discomfort. All we could do was try and keep things easier for her because despite being older now she still had a lot of life left in her. She was very excited to meet my partner for the first time and even responded with kisses. Having another girl in the house to give her attention really made her happy. Certainly made me happy.

But last night I came downstairs to find my dog ripping through the cloth supporting her and chewing through her tumor. I immediately stopped her and cleaned up all the blood that was pooling around her. I had to clean the meat from her teeth. I had no idea how long she was doing this to herself but looking at the tumor it seemed like some time. This morning I called in from work and took my dog to the vet. My brother, mother and I made a conscious decision to put her down. I was there with her covering the wound looking as her blood was turning black. My family is falling on hard times so we didn't have much money. We can only afford to put her down and take the body. If I had enough I would have ensured a cremation followed by collecting her ashes. As it was we opted to bury her body up in the mountains.

I keep thinking to myself that this was the right choice. My partner assures me that despite me being an atheist she believes spiritually that my dog will be with me just as her dogs are. Even though I like the sound of that I will face to the truth that the tumor was causing my dog serious discomfort and I've freed her from the restraints of that tumor.

I don't think she could have asked for a better death. It does feel sudden, but death usually is. We never truly prepare for it. Mom, my brother and I were there with her. Poor girl had lost weight and muscle because of the tumor so the sedative injection was really painful for her. I could see that she knew why we were at the vet and she struggled and fought all the way to the doctor. After five minutes under the sedative she still kept fighting to stand when she finally gave in. I rested her on her side. My brother patting her at her side. My Mom looking into her eyes and kissing her on top of her head.

I whispered my farewells to her and the farewells my partner wanted me to relay to her. The doctor told me to hold her head as he shaved her arm to inject the lethal dose into her. I could feel the struggle and I was looking into her eyes. I can't say for certain what she might be thinking but I hope she realized we were doing this to help her. She was still bleeding and I could see the life in her eyes leave her. It was almost instantly that my mother, my brother and myself all broke out and cried at the same time.

Afterward my bro and I drove to some locations with her wrapped up in the backseat to find a good resting place. Up by the mountains we found one near a bush with a broken wood piece nearby. We took the wood and wrote what was essentially out dogs tombstone and buried her that evening.

I'm still phased by all this, but I guess you can say it happens to a lot of people. Still losing a pet you truly loved will stay with you to the end. No one could replace my Angelica.

[Agent_Wong]

I know exactly how you feel Smiley, and my best wishes are with you and your family. It's very hard to lose a pet that has given you and your family so much love and happiness. From what your describing though, you did do the right thing, for you and your dog.

[Mr. Spencer]

You did the right thing, Smiley. No animal should have to suffer. I have a similar experience, my old dog which I had since childhood had reached a stage where he was simply too old. He was fifteen years old, my mum loved the dog but he was starting to struggle to walk and suffered from incontinence. So I told my mum that we needed to take him to the vet and have him put down, I conferred with my brother over this and he agreed with me.

My mum was devastated, which is why I was the one who took him down to the vet and was there right until the very end. Watched them put the injection needle into him, it was very peaceful and quiet. I'm glad I saw it to be honest, because a lot of people consider death to be a disturbing and painful process, but what I saw was dignified, peaceful.

Also, the vet told me I did the right thing. He could tell that my dog's kidneys were failing and that he was having bowel problems. So yeah, Smiley, as sad as it may be, you did the right thing.

[Smiley]

Thanks you both. I needed to vent that out after such a long day. But I'll be fine.

[Mr. Spencer]

If you don't mind my asking, how large was this tumour?

[Smiley]

Large. Can't give exact measurements, but it was where her stomach would be and she carried it around like dead weight. I think the best description would be to roll your fists into a ball and place them together side by side. Despite her age she was very lively, but it grew to the point where she was no longer running or going up the stairs.

[Mr. Spencer]

Yeah, at that point she wasn't really living. That's no way for any living thing to be. Like I said before, you did the right thing. When I took my dog to the vet, it was sad but I knew that it was the humane thing to do. Think of it like this, she's not suffering anymore and you helped to ease her pain.

[Inferno04]

Oh my god...I'm so sorry Smiley...Going through thati sn ever easy, no matter how many times you do it or how many people it happens to. I'm very sorry you had to lose such a dear member of your family. Don't have any doubt that what you did was right, she was struggling and now she doesn't have to anymore. Now she can run and jump and play and no tumor to hinder her. She can meet your partner's pets as well, and maybe she'll run into my Jenny and Shelby. =) I try to think of it like that...I'm sorry if it seems childish or anything...If you need anyone extra to talk to, to distract you or to vent to, give me a shout.

[Xander Ashford]

Wow...I was actually going to complain about something, but my issue really seems miniscule compared to Smiley's loss of a pet. First and foremost, I do want to say that I definitely know where you're coming from. For me, the death of a pet is always much more difficult that the death of a human. I know everyone is different, but I definitely value my relationship with my cat, Alessa, over any of my people relationships. A pet loves you unconditionally and there really seem to be no strings attached to the relationship. You know that they'll always be there for you when you get home from a bad day or you want to talk to someone, but don't really want a response.

My family's first dog died of some form of cancer (I think it was actually one of the blood cancers because I can't recall the vet ever talking about tumors). My second dog actually died fairly young...I think he was five or so years old...And he got into anti-freeze in the garage. My family and I were gone the whole day, and realized when it was too late that he was really sick and that he had actually gotten into anti-freeze. It kind of annoyed me that the one day we were all out was the one day he decided to get into anti-freeze. I think you are a stronger person than me, Smiley, because I actually didn't have the heart to go to the vet to put either animal down. I really didn't get to say good-bye to either pet. I knew they were in good hands with my parents (and they were actually more my parents' dogs than mine), but still...You have a certain attachment to them.

And I think death is even harder for us without religion. As a Nihilist, I believe that nothing waits after death. Once life is done, it is done. The only comfort you get is knowing that you freed that animal from pain, and I believe that is always the right thing to do. I actually believe a similar approach to euthanasia should be implemented when it comes to humans, but that's a topic for another day.

Anyway, I just want to convey my condolences to you, Smiley, because I know what that pain feels like, and also as someone who is similar to an Atheist, I know it can be a bit uncomforting to think you will never see that pet again. I'm sure it will get better with time. Just never forget those lost.

[Smiley]

Again thank you. This was hard to deal with but I'm pulling together. I know I'm not the only person to go through the loss of a pet, but it never makes it any easier since this isn't the first pet I've had to bury. One of my more traumatic losses was the time my cat Tommy died. Our next door neighbors that moved in had two blood hounds that they poorly looked after. They would leash one in the front yard alone for example. Well one day they pulled my cat from the top of the fence and had him within their jaws. My bro and I were kids at the time. So my brother ran to me for help and I rushed into the neighbor's backyard to pull my cat from their teeth. They started mauling me as I dashed out there with my cat in my arms and unfortunately he died before we could make it to the vet.

A few months later those neighbors moved out, and I heard it was likely due to the numerous complaints about those dogs getting out and hurting others.

I know blood hounds are within their nature to act as they do, but that's why they need proper pet owners to keep them in line. And by now I've gotten over the circle of life ordeal since my cats and dogs have been generous enough to leave dead birds by our doorstep from time to time.



To be honest though this has been a really hard week for my Mother more so than I. My mom came to her friend's house to find her dead a few days before we put Angie down. W/out going into too much detail out of respect for the family I will say it wasn't from natural causes. So we've had that along with this and it's been really hard on her.

That's why this Mother's Day my brother and I managed to cheer her up with a surprise amount of gifts when she arrived home from work late last night. Flowers, chocolate, bed gown, card, etc. This morning I even tried my hand at making french toast for the first time while my bro cooked the bacon. Not much of a cook myself, but I think it came out okay. The two women in my life always prepare the meals for me, so it's a nice change of pace this time around to cook for others something that isn't top ramen or cereal. Let's see if I can work the magic of french toast next time I see my partner.

[Enetirnel]

Regarding the blood hounds, as I've said before - people need to take responsibility for their animals' and not let them run amok, untrained and off-leash when they should be trained slightly at the lest and aren't allowed off-leash in public areas such as suburban areas by the council's restrictions for the safety of others.

I think it's ridiculous that people get away with that shit, it's not usually the animal's fault as I've found with my animal rescue and rehabilitation/training work that a lot of those people also sadly, encourage that sort of bad behavior. I wish that a lot more countries would actually jail people that encourage animal cruelty via their own animals that will do anything for their owner due to their unconditional love and loyalty.

I'm glad she liked her surprise dear, I think she would have really enjoyed the break from cooking today - wish I could have helped you out since I know it's been a bad week since I got home and I've felt terrible that I wasn't there to try and help cheer your Mother and everyone up some more.

[Smiley]

Nah you do more than enough, and this is good for me to learn as well on those special days when you need a break from cooking.