Meh Book!

[Lilith]

Just because Rose posts a lot doesn't mean it's spam, A.K.47. If you don't plan on commenting on his work, you have no need to be in here.

On Topic: It does sound like silent hill, but I like it. It makes the reader wonder what is going on and holds interest. Good job! ^^

[Rose312]

Ya I am... I just take my writing seriously and It pisses me off when people come in and completely change the topic and turn in into an argument...

Anyways...Ya...Sh2 is was some what...I wouldn't call it inspiration but...I wrote before I played the game and after playing I kinda got more into Writing about Psychological Horror/mysteries because it gave the reader something to think about and made them see things in new ways...which is my goal

[Lilith]

Just ignore him Rose.

Good advice!

On Topic:
It's written well so far. I'm not sure what else to say. Just make sure you proofread it and check grammar.

[Rose312]

Ya me and Melissa were going over the whole thing but chapter by chapter. Gonna change words around and such. I'll add some more later on tonight. Thanks for the support

[Lilith]

You are very welcome, Rose! *hugs*

[Rose312]

He woke up leaned against the wall of the ally. The fence stood straight up as if it was never knocked down. No drag marks in the snow showed signs of Adam being moved

All I'm posting tonight...but thanks for the support guys..means a lot to me <3

[Bertha]

Do you want an honest critique, or people to just pat you on the back and tell you how good it is? I'm attempting to get a career in writing myself, and as part of one of my classes I have to help critique others as they do me.

To be honest without being rude...your story seems like another dry attempt at horror anyone can find on fanfic.net or something. There's a difference between being slow for elemental purposes, and being dull. Pacing is everything.

Second...the writing itself seems redundant. There is a lack of sentence structure and rather weak vocab. And before you pick up a thesaurus just to find words to swap with others, at least know what the meaning actually is. A mistake some people make frequently is using words incorrectly because they have no idea what they truly mean.

Also, you seem to jump between present and past tense within the same sentence, which throws things off.

[Darkmoon]

As a mod note; it's already been mentioned, so I'll make it official, but please keep editing new parts into the initial post rather than posting a new one. I've posted, oh, six or seven thousand words or so in a single post, so it's going to be a long time before you run out of space. Otherwise we're gonna think you're spamming to bump your post count, and that never ends well.

[Mr. Ashford]

Well, firstly, as everyone's already said, this looks like a Silent Hill fanfiction. Although I'll add something to that statement:

It's a poorly written Silent Hill fanfiction.

It's riddled with spelling and grammatical errors, do you even have a proof reader? Although, some of these mistakes are just obvious in the first place, and I'm surprised you made them. Especially if you're serious about writing. You need to look more carefully at what you write.

Secondly, the pacing is a little off. I know it's supposed to be horror, but I zoned out when I was reading it. Honestly, there was nothing there to keep me captivated.

Put simply:

It's boring and the grammatical errors hurt my brain. Put some effort in, next time.

Also, double posting, it's bad, edit your posts, etc.

[YamiYumes]

What I would have said, but nicer.

Yeah, Mr. Ashford has this one nipped in the bud for the most part.

[TheSelfishGene]

The title of the thread really says it all. It'd make a meh book.

I agree with the advice that others have given.

[Stu]

Oh look! Another Rose/Lilltih/Rose/Lilltih/Rose/Lilltih thread...do you not have MSN or something?!

And to add some on-topicness to this post...i stopped reading about halfway into the second post. Just your typical fan fic really. Nothing special, nothing stands out. Just more self indulgent drivel really.

Sorry!

[Lilith]

Oh look! Another Rose/Lilltih/Rose/Lilltih/Rose/Lilltih thread...do you not have MSN or something?!

And to add some on-topicness to this post...i stopped reading about halfway into the second post. Just your typical fan fic really. Nothing special, nothing stands out. Just more self indulgent drivel really.

Sorry!

Sorry my posts seem to annoy you. For your information, we DO have MSN. We both happened to be bored and posted a lot. Sorry for being active.

Also, I did notice the past and present tense switches Rose, but I figure you'll fix that with Melissa on the hard copy; same thing with the few errors I saw such as 'ally' and not the correct 'alley'. Good luck finishing it! Don't be discouraged!

[Stu]

When your "activeness" is really no more than spam to everyone else, you're right to apologise.

[YamiYumes]

When your "activeness" is really no more than spam to everyone else, you're right to apologise.

Thank you for being the voice of reason...Granted, they'll probably just try to gang up on you and whine you to death.