Marriages - a male perspective

[Alexia_Ashford]

Right, let's not throw insults around please. Calling people "bitches" = no.

For the benefit of oskar-det who may have not had a chance to read the rules yet-

http://www.the-horror.com/forums/showthread.php?t=8300

And of course, everyone should stay young and beautiful forever and as soon as we get to 40, we should all just be celibate or dead. This topic is extremely distasteful and offensive to the older members of the site. Get on topic (and keep it respectful) or I'll lock it.

[oskar-det]

Fine, you want a polite argument? Well my account isn't worth losing over you anyway, but arguing you would be like arguing with a brick wall.

I know this is the off-topic thread, but what eally drove you to make a point that marriage is fail and all men want young hot girls forever? And what is your proof, where do you get off on saying ANY of this? And you call ME the troll?

A brick wall? You haven't even tried. OK, now you tried. :-P

Let's see... how many married men never look at other, younger women? Why is there porn, and why do married men look at porn as well? It can't be because they're so totally satisfied with their "mature" (read: stale) sex life, can it?

Also, as you may know, there are new companies who build their business on people who want to cheat on their partner:

http://www.prime-date.se/

That's a Swedish site that lets people cheat on each on their partner in order to improve their sex life. And as you can see, there are actually more women than men there. The site has been a huge success, so big that it was brought up in one of Sweden's biggest TV shows in order to debate wether it's right or wrong with such a site.

It's about supply and demand. Obviously people WANT better sex life than they get with their own, old and ugly husband/wife. But they can't admit it, almost not even to themselves, and that's why many 30+ people are secretely unhappy. They're stuck in life but they can't do anything about it. Society has told them that.

This is my point. We suffer through a whole life because we've been raised to believe that you should marry and never love more women than one. For me that's total BS, but that's because I've actually thought about it. Most people today are too rushed to even think about these life questions.

[Zombie Fred]

oskar-det, I don't know what mental scars you've had as a kid growing up to this viewpoint on marriage, but I can guarantee you that it's not the norm of a male's perspective.

And looks with women becoming "ugly" as they get older? Jesus man, you're really naive and sad to think like this, no offense. I think marriage is probably one of the best signs of trust and commitement; a relationship that is sacred to you and your other on the vows your commit. It's a great sign of how much close people are, especially if they want to have a family and show and treat the important values of us as a species to further generations, in a stable enviroment.

This is all the attention you're getting out of me. I found this thread quite offensive and I am sure some others here are not going to be pleased when they read this. You've been marked.

[oskar-det]

oskar-det, I don't know what mental scars you've had as a kid growing up to this viewpoint on marriage, but I can guarantee you that it's not the norm of a male's perspective.

And looks with women becoming "ugly" as they get older? Jesus man, you're really naive and sad to think like this, no offense. I think marriage is probably one of the best signs of trust and commitement; a relationship that is sacred to you and your other on the vows your commit. It's a great sign of how much close people are, especially if they want to have a family and show and treat the important values of us as a species to further generations, in a stable enviroment.

This is all the attention you're getting out of me. I found this thread quite offensive and I am sure some others here are not going to be pleased when they read this. You've been marked.

I don't have any mental scars, I just took the time to philosophy over life. And I didn't listen to what everyone else told me, I made up my own mind. "What do I want"? Not "What will other people think of me?"

Actually, it's funny that mere opinions can be locked and banned. Where's the freedom of speech to that?

If people here want to live their lives in marriage, fine. I just want to bring this discussion up.

You also bring up a good point of trust and to secure your life with another partner. For some people, I believe this is a valid point, they show their love by marry and by that, showing their deep affection for each other.

But what happens in 20 or 30 years? What happens to the passion when you're 34-40? Compare that passion to the passion you have when you're newly in love as a teenager. Most people, I believe, will admit that "mature" passion is NOTHING compared to young love.

[Mr. Spencer]

Bit like asian women really, when they're young and that they're pretty good looking. Moment they hit thirty, get rid. They age overnight, they're like a pear.

No, I'm usually too busy thinking about Spencer

Please tell me you're referring to the character.

[Darkmoon]

Do you want to get married or is marriage something unnatural that has been forced upon humans by religion? Maybe it's better to switch partner once in a while instead of sticking to the same person forever just because we're supposed to?

Religion has nothing to do with it. Permanent partner relations in one form or another have been around as long as history has. Not always one man to one woman, admittedly, but sometimes it has. It makes biological sense - if a man wants his genes passed on then he needs to make sure they survive, and men are typically better geared towards fighting than women.

In other words - God didn't do it.

When you grow up, this is something that you learn and something that sticks to your mind. This is the way of life, you should get married and stick to that person for the rest of your life. If you cheat, you're a scumbag according to society.

Different societies I'm guessing. My parents didn't get married for well over ten years - my brother is the same. My sister lived with her partner for 12 years and had son with him before they broke up. None of them are considered scumbags, and of my siblings, I'm the only one in a married relationship.

Somehow, I believe religion made up that shit. Why being forced to stick to the same woman for life? She might be kind and caring, but when she gets old (past 30) she gets ugly, wrinkly and not very attractive. Of course, women over 30 can still be attractive, but most turn downhill after they turn 30.

Now, I'm not that shallow. A woman's attractiveness comes not only from looks, but from personality as well. A wonderful and attractive personality never gets old, but since the body does get old, the woman will become less and less attractive.

So? If a woman's good looks are all you're interested in then you shouldn't be married anyway. And most men I know are hardly paragons of sexual magnificence after 30 themselves. You say you're not that shallow, but it's pretty clear it's a big issue for you.

So, let's say you marry a beautiful 18 year old woman. She's in her prime, all of her physical features just makes you want to fuck her over and over. But she's also kind and caring - the perfect woman! The years passes by and you think you have found your soul mate, you live happy in a house with your wife and kids.

Then, when she's 32, you start to notice how her body turns more ugly. This is the critical point when you talk yourself into that her personality is the only thing that matters. If personality is the only thing, then why don't you get attracted to other males as well? The answer is simple, because physical attraction is extremely important.

It's a factor - not the biggest by any means. And as I said, unless you're immortal, you're not getting prettier as you age. And some men find older woman attractive anyway. Same as they find Bigger woman hot, or bald woman, or muscled woman.

So she's getting uglier for each day, but yet you choose to continue live with her for several reasons:

1) You have been tought as a youth that you NEVER leave the woman you marry. Marriage is locking yourself up with someone. Don't break that!

2) You know that you can't get any better, since you turn uglier yourself. This is why old men and young women don't match, good looking people match together, and ugly people match together.[/QUOTE]

Dude, I look like a viking who got with a plank of wood. I am ugly as hell. My wife is hot.

3) You talk yourself into that "she's the love of your life", even though your sex life is almost dead and you always fantazise about those young beauties you see in town everyday.

Only if you do it wrong. As someone in a long term relationship, over eight years married now, I can say my sex life has never been better. And I know my wife feels that way. Mostly because of the regular mutliple orgasms. 16 is our current best.

Every year, as we've learned more about each other, we've gotten better, found out what exactly has worked for us. I have no expectation of seeing that stop.

I've been thinking about this a lot, challenging the way my parents tought me about life. If I was completely honest with myself, I would like to fuck hot women each day, different women. I don't want to stick to the same woman for the rest of my life, the passion would soon burn out when you get used to each other and I most probably wouldn't be able to find the woman of my dreams anyway.

Good for you? Personally, I find that kinda relationship completely boring. You do the same thing with a different face and that's that. But there are a steady stream of hookers out there, so I suggest you see if you can buy in bulk.

But since it's practically impossible to live your life like that in today's society, I made the decision to live alone. All or nothing. But if you choose nothing, then you fantazise and fuck around as much as you want with hot women.

Assuming you look enough like Brad Pitt to convince a different woman every night to share your bed, of course. Most of them won't dive in without knowing a guy, especially given all the potential consequences of such activities (unwanted pregnancies, violent partner, STD's and, of course, a crap sexual partner) they tend to want to know a guy for more than five minutes.

I know this is not supposed to be normal, but have people really thought about this at all? Or are they just doing what everyone else does in order to fit into society? They're letting their lives be controlled by the standard that has been set up by other people.

In the UK, the life you've described happens. Mostly to younger people. Who then find it hollow and want to settle down around 30, but never mind.

I'm perfectly fine with this non-marriage non-relationship lifestyle, and I don't want to go back to a "normal" life.

Works for you. But you're the exception. If most men were chaffing at society in the ways you describe, then things would change. And they have to a point. Long term relationships other marriage are perfectly viable in the UK. I know at least one couple into bondage and fetish parties who often have multiple partners, but that's just for sex. They live with each other. Also perfectly acceptable - they have yet to be lynched.

People find what makes them happy. For me, that's a wife and kids. For others, it'll be something else.

[Inferno04]

I was waiting for Darkmoon to find this thread and shower it with awesome. XD

[Darkmoon]

I brought my hose.

[oskar-det]

Religion has nothing to do with it. Permanent partner relations in one form or another have been around as long as history has. Not always one man to one woman, admittedly, but sometimes it has. It makes biological sense - if a man wants his genes passed on then he needs to make sure they survive, and men are typically better geared towards fighting than women.

In other words - God didn't do it.

If we're talking ancient history now, I believe it was very usual for men to have many more than just one woman. Especially since after they sleep with each other, the woman becomes pregnant but the man can go on and fuck other attractive women he wants to spread his genes to.

Sure the man has always protected the family, but marriage is a relatively new thing that has a lot to do with religion. And the only purpose is to lock people in a position where they're stuck for the rest of their lives with the same partner.

Different societies I'm guessing. My parents didn't get married for well over ten years - my brother is the same. My sister lived with her partner for 12 years and had son with him before they broke up. None of them are considered scumbags, and of my siblings, I'm the only one in a married relationship.

Yeah, different societies. In some countries in Africa, you're not "normal" if you don't marry at the age of 14. I'm fascinated by the fact that while there are lots of different cultures all over the world, most people have the same bilogy.

So? If a woman's good looks are all you're interested in then you shouldn't be married anyway. And most men I know are hardly paragons of sexual magnificence after 30 themselves. You say you're not that shallow, but it's pretty clear it's a big issue for you.

I think you are misreading things here. Good looks is not the only thing I care for, but it's 50 %. The other 50 % is personality. If one of those 50 % goes away, then naturally the woman will be much less attractive. If there's only personality left, then you might as well be attracted to men.

It's a factor - not the biggest by any means. And as I said, unless you're immortal, you're not getting prettier as you age. And some men find older woman attractive anyway. Same as they find Bigger woman hot, or bald woman, or muscled woman.

Of course. There are different tastes everywhere, but there are also general themes. Most men don't find cellulites and wrinkles hot, although I'm sure there are exceptions for that too.

Dude, I look like a viking who got with a plank of wood. I am ugly as hell. My wife is hot.

Then you're very lucky! Most people aren't that lucky.

Only if you do it wrong. As someone in a long term relationship, over eight years married now, I can say my sex life has never been better. And I know my wife feels that way. Mostly because of the regular mutliple orgasms. 16 is our current best.

Every year, as we've learned more about each other, we've gotten better, found out what exactly has worked for us. I have no expectation of seeing that stop.

Sounds great! Since you so freely speak about your sex life, how old are you and your wife?

Good for you? Personally, I find that kinda relationship completely boring. You do the same thing with a different face and that's that. But there are a steady stream of hookers out there, so I suggest you see if you can buy in bulk.

Not really. There are lots and lots of different fetishes, and most of them won't be accepted by a single woman. Of course, if she accepts everything you want, then you're very lucky. Most people don't have that kind of luck, though.

Assuming you look enough like Brad Pitt to convince a different woman every night to share your bed, of course. Most of them won't dive in without knowing a guy, especially given all the potential consequences of such activities (unwanted pregnancies, violent partner, STD's and, of course, a crap sexual partner) they tend to want to know a guy for more than five minutes.

Oh, so now looks matter that much according to you, eh? :-P I fully agree, but I didn't think you put so much importance in looks.

In the UK, the life you've described happens. Mostly to younger people. Who then find it hollow and want to settle down around 30, but never mind.

"Settle down"? No, LOL. What happens is that when they're young and strong, they believe they can get the ultimate woman, but when they get older they realize that's just an illusion. They have to "settle down" with what they can get, and the result is not always so pretty.

Works for you. But you're the exception. If most men were chaffing at society in the ways you describe, then things would change. And they have to a point. Long term relationships other marriage are perfectly viable in the UK. I know at least one couple into bondage and fetish parties who often have multiple partners, but that's just for sex. They live with each other. Also perfectly acceptable - they have yet to be lynched.

I know I'm an exception, because most people don't dare to defy what society is. They just roll along. Just look at people's reactions to this thread. Everyone is disliking me for making this thread, even though it's only based about my personal opinion. Most people can't take that collective punishment, so they adjust their opinions to everyone else's.

That sounds great, maybe I should move to the UK, LOL. If you had such a relationship in Sweden, most people would think you were a weirdo.

People find what makes them happy. For me, that's a wife and kids. For others, it'll be something else.

True. But there are also lots of people who live very unhappy because they don't dare to let of some steam and tell everyone how they REALLY feel. There are lots of couples who divorce after 15-20 years because one of them FINALLY can't take it anymore after having put up a nice facade to everyone that he is happy and part of the normal society.

[Alexia_Ashford]

This whole "marriage - a male perspective" seems less around issues of marriage but more monogamous relationships and it comes across as very sexist. Like men should be allowed to fuck as many women as he wants and they should always stay young and beautiful. Very distasteful.

[Darkmoon]

If we're talking ancient history now, I believe it was very usual for men to have many more than just one woman. Especially since after they sleep with each other, the woman becomes pregnant but the man can go on and fuck other attractive women he wants to spread his genes to.

Sure the man has always protected the family, but marriage is a relatively new thing that has a lot to do with religion. And the only purpose is to lock people in a position where they're stuck for the rest of their lives with the same partner.

Some went for multiple partners (in some, it was the woman, although that was unusual) and other had only 1. It depends on the area, the tribe...whole ton of things. But monogamous relationships were known. What was unusual was abandoning a partner. You might steal her from a rival clan, but you took care of her if you could.

I think you are misreading things here. Good looks is not the only thing I care for, but it's 50 %. The other 50 % is personality. If one of those 50 % goes away, then naturally the woman will be much less attractive. If there's only personality left, then you might as well be attracted to men.

I am attracted to men, but that's another topic. And you say you care about personality, but you mention there looks and ageing a lot more.

Of course. There are different tastes everywhere, but there are also general themes. Most men don't find cellulites and wrinkles hot, although I'm sure there are exceptions for that too.

Yup. But not all men seem to mind there partner getting older. Of course, you do have people cheating on there spouses with a younger partner. But then, you have plenty of couples staying together and sexually active into there retirement.

Then you're very lucky! Most people aren't that lucky.

Yes, I am.

Sounds great! Since you so freely speak about your sex life, how old are you and your wife?

I'm 26. Yes, I haven't hit 30, and neither has my wife. I'm not concerned though. I may hate her mother with a passion you could use to melt steel, but she's into her fifties and still fielding a variety of gentlemen callers.

But honestly? I doubt it would matter if such things do happen. I've seen her give birth three times. If you're still physically attracted to someone after seeing a head exit there vagina (and on one occasion having to unwrap the babies arms and deliver her yourself) then I doubt a few wrinkles or extra pounds are likely to put me off.

Not really. There are lots and lots of different fetishes, and most of them won't be accepted by a single woman. Of course, if she accepts everything you want, then you're very lucky. Most people don't have that kind of luck, though.

And yet what most people in that situation do is the same old. I remember a study of people cheating on there partner - usually they didn't do anything they hadn't done with there spouse. It was the thrill of a different face that made things exciting.

Most people won't have enough kinks that they'll need a different person each night. Most people seem to just want the standard stuff.

Oh, so now looks matter that much according to you, eh? :-P I fully agree, but I didn't think you put so much importance in looks.

If you're in to bed hopping? Absolutely. You need to be gorgeous. If you want a long term relationship? Less of a factor. They are a factor, yes, but not half the relationship.

"Settle down"? No, LOL. What happens is that when they're young and strong, they believe they can get the ultimate woman, but when they get older they realize that's just an illusion. They have to "settle down" with what they can get, and the result is not always so pretty.

Maybe. The one's I know (and I know a few) just found that life unsatisfying, and in one case, somewhat infectious. But some will be as you describe.

I know I'm an exception, because most people don't dare to defy what society is. They just roll along. Just look at people's reactions to this thread. Everyone is disliking me for making this thread, even though it's only based about my personal opinion. Most people can't take that collective punishment, so they adjust their opinions to everyone else's.

That sounds great, maybe I should move to the UK, LOL. If you had such a relationship in Sweden, most people would think you were a weirdo.

I think the majority of people are happy with how things work for them. If they weren't I'd imagine things would change. Women weren't happy with there place in society and as it's being changed.

True. But there are also lots of people who live very unhappy because they don't dare to let of some steam and tell everyone how they REALLY feel. There are lots of couples who divorce after 15-20 years because one of them FINALLY can't take it anymore after having put up a nice facade to everyone that he is happy and part of the normal society.

Totally true. But as I recall, in the UK at least, two thirds of long term relationships do work out. Not every relationship will be happy, but as I've said, I know people who've lived the life you want and not been happy. It's not the type or lifestyle that's the problem, it's the person choosing the wrong lifestyle that's an issue.

[oskar-det]

Some went for multiple partners (in some, it was the woman, although that was unusual) and other had only 1. It depends on the area, the tribe...whole ton of things. But monogamous relationships were known. What was unusual was abandoning a partner. You might steal her from a rival clan, but you took care of her if you could.

Yes, but did you still have sex with her as she got old and ugly? No. There were lots of women to choose from.

I am attracted to men, but that's another topic. And you say you care about personality, but you mention there looks and ageing a lot more.

Because looks gets gradually worse with age, personality does not.

Yup. But not all men seem to mind there partner getting older. Of course, you do have people cheating on there spouses with a younger partner. But then, you have plenty of couples staying together and sexually active into there retirement.

Sure. But my point is that there are also lots of people who don't DARE to break their old relationship because:

A) They know they won't get any better so they just settle with what they have and keep looking at porn and young women in town from now and then.

B) They worry about their social status.

I'm 26. Yes, I haven't hit 30, and neither has my wife. I'm not concerned though. I may hate her mother with a passion you could use to melt steel, but she's into her fifties and still fielding a variety of gentlemen callers.

But honestly? I doubt it would matter if such things do happen. I've seen her give birth three times. If you're still physically attracted to someone after seeing a head exit there vagina (and on one occasion having to unwrap the babies arms and deliver her yourself) then I doubt a few wrinkles or extra pounds are likely to put me off.

As expected. Neither of you are 30 yet and have yet to experience a "mature" relationship. Believe me, people DO CHANGE when they get 30-40. They start to think about life in a way that you don't do when you're young. I myself am 28 but I "settled down" with this lifestyle when I was 14. I've been in a relations once because I couldn't resist sex, but that was a short one and I'll never do it again.

Most people won't have enough kinks that they'll need a different person each night. Most people seem to just want the standard stuff.

Because most people don't dare to talk openly about it. There are many in their 40s who visits Internet forums to discuss spanking, because they NEVER EVER DARED to bring it up to their partner even though they've been married for 10 years. And this is not unusual.

People are so fucking scared of not being part of society, of not having many friends, that they keep their deep secrets for themselves and suffer.

I think the majority of people are happy with how things work for them. If they weren't I'd imagine things would change. Women weren't happy with there place in society and as it's being changed.

You could be happy but not totally happy. Like missing pieces of the puzzle.

Totally true. But as I recall, in the UK at least, two thirds of long term relationships do work out. Not every relationship will be happy, but as I've said, I know people who've lived the life you want and not been happy. It's not the type or lifestyle that's the problem, it's the person choosing the wrong lifestyle that's an issue.

You could say that. But I'm SURE there are lots of people who lives the "standard" lifestyle not because of own will, but because they've been raised and tought to do so. You don't break out easy of the norm.

[Wrathborne]

This whole "marriage - a male perspective" seems less around issues of marriage but more monogamous relationships and it comes across as very sexist. Like men should be allowed to fuck as many women as he wants and they should always stay young and beautiful. Very distasteful.

Alexia agreed with me!...ok its 4 am this insomnia is ridiculous I need to try to sleep again.

[oskar-det]

This whole "marriage - a male perspective" seems less around issues of marriage but more monogamous relationships and it comes across as very sexist. Like men should be allowed to fuck as many women as he wants and they should always stay young and beautiful. Very distasteful.

I think that's how it was back in the days before society.

Then we created rules and decided how people should live.

Also, you seem to not notice that I don't believe women want ugly men either. Women always react to these kind of things though, more than men do.

[Enrico Marini]

Everyone is entitled to their opinion and way of life as long as it doesn't intentionally hurt or cripple some one elses life.

Age is superficial. Yes most people will age, and age badly, but when you are with the one that compliments you, you won't notice it.

The "I want to have many many Sex with lots of beautiful women" seems like a very shallow and childish philosophy. The other hurdles you will jump over is that this lifestyle will definately at some point hurt someone. Women are people too and an attitude like that just comes off as seeing them as no more than cattle.

Marriage is not a life time thing. If you are truely unhappy, there is always divorce. But entering into marriage should be when you truly know the other person is right for you. The advantages of having someone to love and care for you as well as have your back are worth it.

I am on the other extreme to you. I do not wish to sleep with many pretty ladies. I want to find the right woman for me, and if needs be, marry her. As for sex, I've done fine without any my entire life. Basing your entire life on a primal urge is unlikely to end well.