Marriages - a male perspective

[PracticalAl]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NF5XU-k2Vk

[Grem]

Honestly, I hate the marriage idea, even if I didn't use to think that way before. In fact, I was pretty much enthusiastic about it.
But, around me, I can only see failed marriages. My parents in the first place, but so many instances around aswell. I seriously doubt the real benefits of this, now.

No offense, but I don't think you need to "show" your committement to everybody via marriage. Why is it so important to marry anyway? When you love someone you don't need to prove it to everybody.

However, there are, of course, instances of successful marriages and I respect people who engages in marriages. But I'm extremely skeptical about it.

[PracticalAl]

Honestly, I hate the marriage idea, even if I didn't use to think that way before. In fact, I was pretty much enthusiastic about it.
But, around me, I can only see failed marriages. My parents in the first place, but so many instances around aswell. I seriously doubt the real benefits of this, now.

Why do you think these marriages have failed?

No offense, but I don't think you need to "show" your committement to everybody via marriage. Why is it so important to marry anyway? When you love someone you don't need to prove it to everybody.

You don't! Marriage is a religious institute; to show commitment to not only your partner, but to God as well.

However, there are, of course, instances of successful marriages and I respect people who engages in marriages. But I'm extremely skeptical about it.

And why did these marriages succeed?

[Darkmoon]

Yes, but did you still have sex with her as she got old and ugly? No. There were lots of women to choose from.

...old age? We're talking about a time period when 30 is old. And we have no way of knowing what there sexual traditions were, although it is clear that many women were sexually active at this kinda age, because they died in child birth.

Because looks gets gradually worse with age, personality does not.

And? Looks are not that important, in the grand scheme of things. At least, not to me. You say it's 50% of what you look for in a partner. For me it's far, far less. Yes, my wife is attractive - I also had no idea what she looked like when we started talking, because it was online. It was only when she came over and met me did I get to see more than a photo. And I was interested in a relationship before that happened.

Sure. But my point is that there are also lots of people who don't DARE to break their old relationship because:

A) They know they won't get any better so they just settle with what they have and keep looking at porn and young women in town from now and then.

B) They worry about their social status.

That's there problem. And there choice. At least here, in the UK, society has relatively little to say on such matters. Divorced men get along as well as any.

As expected. Neither of you are 30 yet and have yet to experience a "mature" relationship. Believe me, people DO CHANGE when they get 30-40. They start to think about life in a way that you don't do when you're young. I myself am 28 but I "settled down" with this lifestyle when I was 14. I've been in a relations once because I couldn't resist sex, but that was a short one and I'll never do it again.

Of course they change. My sex life has gotten a lot better since I was kid. My parents were both in there fifties when the married, and enjoy such things they tell me...no matter how much I put my fingers in my ears and yell 'lalalalala no listening!' at them.

Actually knowing your partner, what works, what doesn't, makes sex a lot better. Or it does if you work at it. If your idea of good sex is roll on top, perform missionary style, roll off and go to sleep then it's only going to go downhill.

I have no reason to expect my feelings for my wife to change just because I'm older. They haven't changed since I've been dating her.

Because most people don't dare to talk openly about it. There are many in their 40s who visits Internet forums to discuss spanking, because they NEVER EVER DARED to bring it up to their partner even though they've been married for 10 years. And this is not unusual.

People are so fucking scared of not being part of society, of not having many friends, that they keep their deep secrets for themselves and suffer.

I'm not going to go into mine or my wife's personal kinks, but we've talked about them. And while we don't agree on all of them, we both enjoy enough to have a very happy relationship. And yeah, some people don't. Of course, I have a very different social circle to you, apparently...I know a fair amount about a lot of my friends sex lives. I occasional even give advice, and tips.

You could be happy but not totally happy. Like missing pieces of the puzzle.

I don't think anyone anywhere is totally happy. There's always something missing. And if you want to change that something? It's up to you.

You could say that. But I'm SURE there are lots of people who lives the "standard" lifestyle not because of own will, but because they've been raised and tought to do so. You don't break out easy of the norm.

No, you don't. Gay men who marry because it's expected of them comes straight to mind. And that's a shame. But at the end of the day, they choose to conform. It's what they decide, and accept the consequences. They could choose differently and accept those consequences instead. What people don't get to do is live without consequences, sadly.

But then, I've never been normal. I'm a computer game, rolerplaying, anime watching and wargame playing geek. I'm also a big, scary dude, though, so no one bothers judging me. Because I can judge back. I'm a social misfit and I like being that way. My family likes me, my friends like me, and I really don't give a flying crap if society doesn't.

Honestly, I hate the marriage idea, even if I didn't use to think that way before. In fact, I was pretty much enthusiastic about it.
But, around me, I can only see failed marriages. My parents in the first place, but so many instances around aswell. I seriously doubt the real benefits of this, now.

No offense, but I don't think you need to "show" your committement to everybody via marriage. Why is it so important to marry anyway? When you love someone you don't need to prove it to everybody.

However, there are, of course, instances of successful marriages and I respect people who engages in marriages. But I'm extremely skeptical about it.

Marriage isn't needed for a good, long term relationship. My brother has been with the same woman for years, and they only got engaged a little while ago. With no sign of the wedding in the near future. For some people, marriage chaffs and they want out...but so long as they have the option to leave, they never do.

Totally agree with you though - marriage isn't the only way to show your love and commitment. There are lot of other ways, some more important to keeping relationship alive than saying I Do. For some people, though, it is important. Religious, legal or personal reasons can mean some people want it desperately.

[PracticalAl]

Oskar-Det = A male's perspective.
Darkmoon = A MAN'S perspective.

'Nuff said.

[Darkmoon]

Hah, yeah, I've been told more than once that I am most manly, which I love because I'm probably the least manly guy ever according to TV. I drink very little, I didn't sleep around before I was married, I don't tend to get into fights (unwholesome slaughters don't count), I put my kids to sleep, change there nappies (I have changed at least three nappies a day for almost seven years over three children) and cook most of the meals.

As a friend who reads too much Terry Pratchett puts it, I'm a gentle man, not a Gentleman. Mostly because I'm not rich and have no concept of fighting fair on the rare occasions that I do have to.

[PracticalAl]

Hah, yeah, I've been told more than once that I am most manly, which I love because I'm probably the least manly guy ever according to TV.

Psh, what does TV know? I mean, this is TV's current idea of manliness:

[Darkmoon]

They even lack truly manly beards. They should know shame!

[alexdz]

That's a very sad view of marriage.

[biohazard_star]

How about you look at it from a female's perspective? Would most women actually want to be impregnated by a man who is clearly intent on having sex with other women? No.

The human race probably wouldn't last very long if everyone agreed with your ideals.

[nemesiswontdie]

[oskar-det]

OK, thanks very much for your input. I'm not going to continue arguing. Not because I've ran out of arguments, but because I don't think we'll getting somewhere. We both have our firm opinions that we've expressed very clearly, and neither of us will change.

Also everyone here is taking your side in this, but that's expected. It's always like this wherever I go, and I've been banned from a number of forums in the past. Not because I was mean to someone, but because my opinions were too unorthdox (reasons for banning me has been "your type is not needed here"). So I think we know where we have each other and that's good enough.

Every time I've been banned, I asked about the freedom of speech but the answer is always "we have our own rules and we decide what should be written in the forums and not". With other words, freedom of speech is BS that only exists in your own private area where no one else can hear you.

This is also why I have deliberately gotten rid of all my friends. Not because I or they were mean, but because they just didn't understand anything. And while I'm completely alone these days, I'm more happy than ever because I can live however I want. People make their choices, as you said.

That's why Internet forums are convienient. You don't really need to know these people, but can still exchange opinions.

Peace out.

[biohazard_star]

I don't mean to pry on your personal life or anything, but why would you want to get rid of your real life friends over something like this? If you can agree to disagree with some of the people here, then I don't see why you can't do that with your irl friends.

[oskar-det]

I don't mean to pry on your personal life or anything, but why would you want to get rid of your real life friends over something like this? If you can agree to disagree with some of the people here, then I don't see why you can't do that with your irl friends.

Because people don't understand. It's not like we fought or something, they just don't understand. And what's the point in friends who you can't talk to?

It's the same everywhere I go. At work, no one understandds me either because everyone is busy living the regular lives. BUT it's not like I've haven't tried. In the past, I ate lunch with them and joined company parties, but everything turned out to be shit. Everyone is just talking shit behind each other's backs, and I despise that, so I quit eating lunch with them. It was just one hour gossip time and I hate gossip.

And company parties are just booze fests. People can't relax and be themselves naturally so they have to drink booze in order to relax the everyday stress. I don't need that shit, so I quit that too.

And with women, I had a relationship a few years ago. I couldn't stand having someone else around me (we lived together for two months) with different willpower. I want it all my way, so in order to get some female company, I started to learn Japanese so that I can play New Love Plus for the 3DS this fall. In that game, you have a relationship with the girl of your choice, but when you're tired of her you can always turn the system off. And then turn it on when you feel like it and continue. You, as the player, dictates everything. That's impossible in a normal relationship.

[Darkmoon]

Honest to God, I wouldn't want that in a relationship. It's not a relationship at all. It's someone completely dominating someone else, and honestly? Creepy as hell. I guess you're just destined to be alone, dude.